there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
