Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
