Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
