Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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