i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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