So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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