i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
