Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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