Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize