we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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