You just made me feel so damn special
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
