I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
