It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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