How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think my moral compass just broke
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
