you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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