so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
