a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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