I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize