Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
