We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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