after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
