Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize