I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
