Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
