I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
