The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i've created a new STD.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
