Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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