Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
