just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i love accidental penises.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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