he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im holly from the hills drunk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
