i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
