I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish you could order shots online.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
