doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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