u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
