So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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