I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
