i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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