he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
