I wanna passion pit in your ass
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
