I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
