i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
