where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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