I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
