My first STD was from a foam party
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
