He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
