The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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