yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it because I queefed?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
