Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
