It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
