So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize