all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
