i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
