So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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