I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize