is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
