listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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