Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
