Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
