he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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