This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
