Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
