i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
