i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
