Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize