dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
