you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
