his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
