we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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