I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
