my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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