I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
