Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize