She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
