He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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