I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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