My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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