Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
