This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
