Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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