Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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