Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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