I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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