Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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