Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
