and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
