I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
