I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
