plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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