College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
