For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize