So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
