I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
