You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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