So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
