Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
