it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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