apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
