id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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