it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
