So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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